revisited hougang sports hall aft the usual sat vball sessions... this time as a watcher instead of a player.. seeing those familiar faces... happy to see those young ones who played well now.. they were like little kids back then... the last time i was there was in 07..during opens too.. the match with IK was the one tt my knee officially cui aft tt.. tho tt was the main reason why my knee cui but i think it was enjoyable still...i still believe in my choice of continueing to play tho my knee showed symptoms of cuiing already... wells.. time flies n it has been 2 years since i go back n see competitive vball... went to support elmo n his team for the match today.. it has been a long time since i feel the excitment of losing n winning a pt.. i think really miss those shoutings/cheerings.. n also the set winning 25 pts which accompanied me for abt 10 years? the shot balls and divings... the playing with tactic and the bushuangness u have when referees n linesmen are not doin their job well... oh my.. how i wish i can go back.. like tho old uncles who still fight along with their buddies.. oh my
yea im back.. with another depressing post.. anw sry for the tagboard.. dun really noe how to repair it but i dun feel like changing the blog to another address cos its like this has got so many so many things.. surprisingly.. this blog is already abt 6 years old! oh gosh.. tt is so old.. n i can't believe tt 2003 was like 6 years ago.. amazing... so if anyone is still reading this blog.. im so sorry bt maybe if u all wan can like tok to me on msn? maybe it will be good if anyone can help me solve this tagboard problem too..
oh well.. job searching is qt bad for my side.. been waiting for a call today but oh wells... sometimes i jus hope tt my fone will ring... seriously i tot i will get it... really... i do not know if i really overestimated my capabilities.. or im really tt gullible to think tt they like me.. i duno wats going on.. how can something feel so right n good.. ended up being another disappointment... i noe its bad.. but from a long time ago i've decided not to set goals for myself.. maybe there's a perfectionist in me.. tt i have the tendency to overestimate myself n set goals which i tot tt i can achieve.. n yet i end up disappointing myself... but somehow.. for this particular post.. i guess i've put in some hope inside again.. but who knows.. once again.. i lived in my own world.. where pple see me totally as a different person of how i see myself...
its really a worrying issue for me now.. not getting a job now... seriously i think im towards desperate side... sometimes i hope tt i major in journalism.. where i can do freelance.. or maybe business.. so i can get internships.. somehow the field tt im looking in i've not heard of any self approached internship(i hope u all get wat i mean)... many pple will see me as a lucky person.. an only child who does not have any loan to clear... maybe im still appearing as if i got mountains of money to spare... maybe im still appearing as if i got tons of resources to rely on... sometimes it saddens me.. or i think its very worrying.. my parents are old.. n i see them working hard to earn some for a living.. i really hope tt the day when i can afford to let them sit back n relax at hm and enjoy the rest of their lives will come soon...bt i duno when will tt be...
oh wells.. enough of ramblings.. today marks the end of all the replies from the interviews... all rejections.. time to move on n hope for more interviews to come.. n to those who are reading this.. pls pray for me tt i will get a job soon!
talking abt fear.. i guess i've not much fear to tok abt and i guess the onli fear that i have is that i am not what i think i am...or maybe.. what i see i am as a person is totally different from how pple see me.. sometimes this can be qt disheartening.. its like.. so have i been living in my own deception? i am not as capable than what i think i am? i really don't know...
talking abt job... i noe everyone has been saying the economy is bad.. but from what i see.. the pple ard me are employed.. not tt im sore.. but sometimes it makes me think.. what is the diff between me n them.. n what makes me unemployed... i do not know...
n things have been goin up n down for me... from thinking that i will not get a job tt is related to my field.. to somewhere tt is near what i want to be... n in this week i've lost all my chances... oh great.. now im in nowhere.. thinking why have i been working so hard last week... i noe its bad to lose faith.. bt i really hate it how employers can really 'play' with ur feelings... well done to them...
'so what do u see urself in 5 years'... this is actually the worst qtn that i hate... of cos... u can use some generic ans for tt.. but ultimately.. the only person that i cannot bluff is myself.. for those who noe me.. im not good at lying.. n i hate to lie.. and so.. it always makes me think real hard n i've not come out with an answer myself... i guess ive already lost the ability to dream.. cos most of my dreams had jus ended up with more n more disappointments... i do envy those who dare to dream n are working to them slowly.. i think i dun even noe wat i want in the future...
so much of random ramblings.. i guess the situation tt i am in now is like im in the middle of pacific ocean w/o a map or a compass... i really duno where im heading to...