wah.. this week's slp cycle is in a total mess.. slp the earliest which is abt 11 since the first day i moved to hall.. slp till 2 pm in the afternoon which is the latest since the first day i moved hall.. slpt the least (2hrs)from 7am to 9am.. n surprisingly i can still wake up n drag myself to the lect n i din fall aslp during lect unlike the last two days! hmm.. jialat.. this is definitely not a good sign manz.. maybe i shud go n slp now.. hahaz
5+ hours of vball.. nua n tired.. but i really love it manz.. been so long since the last time we play till we are so tired.. sian.. will be goin back hall tml evening..i hate goin back hall on sundae nights.. i miss my hm..
two more hours to jap class later and i've completed none of the stuff tt i planned to do.. i guess its the weather.. that makes my head spinning till i can't really think wellz..sian.. better dun get sick now.. 3 more weeks to the exams.. the nightmare is here again.. with 4 more quizes, 1 more presentation, at least 4 assignemnets, 1 formal lab report, 2 informal report, 1 formal report for tech com(i really hate tech com...2 AUs while i spent almost everyday this week to do it..and it does not mean tt we'll get an A for sure.. its the most not-worth-it module i guess)... all in 3 weeks...uni life is really crazy i feel.. oh wellz.. but if other pple can do it.. why can't i? mus really hang on!
jus read the papers today..and on the first page.. it was about this downtown mrt line that they are planning to build..they've already confirmed three stations for that..Bay-front station at the planned Marina Sands integrated resort, Landmark station sitting between the new Marina Business Financial Centre and The Sail condominium and Cross Street station next to the Pricewater houseCoopers building in Cross Street...
maybe im kind of suaku... but all along i thought that they are going to stop at Circle line.. its like.. dun you think that our small island is so so so saturated with all these constructions? do you think that it can really stand more diggings and drillings on it?
i always love esplanade(or ard that area) especially during the night.. when u can enjoy the light breeze and nice scenary.. when i was young.. grandma used to bring us to the 红灯码头(hmm.. i'm not sure the chinese name is spelled this way..it is this jetty which is near the Merlion..sorry but i really can't rem the name of the jetty at this pt of time )to see all the boats and the sea.. the view was terrific.. no constructions at all its really jus the sea and the boats.. however.. tat was like so many years ago.. now... if u are standing at the open stage(i really can't rem the names)or somewhere near that area.. not even an inch is not taken up by construction(due to the IR construction).. so now.. after the IR is completed.. they are going to build new mrt lines...who knows what comes in after that.. somehow i just feel very perturbed by this.. how can a place look beautiful with all those scafoldings and constructions lying around.. it jus look so ugly...
also.. what is the point of creating more stations when i think currently everything is already so convenient.. furthermore, singapore is jus a small country.. our transportation network is already so developed as compared to other cities.. if they can survive with their level of transportation network.. why can't we? why must we make everything so convenient.. so fast until our quality of life is dropping in the sense of relaxation? everyone jus chiong.. chiong for work..chiong for sch..(seriously i think that my generation of kids are better off than the kids now.. at least i still got to play..) rushing to be faster.. when you are up there... u choing further.. somehow i also see this as another way to get more money from us.. oh wellz.. there's nothing much i can do but to see these thinggs happen..
anw.. ydae during lang puzzle.. watched a documentary on pple who are deaf.. there's a debate on whether cochlea implantation(a device which have to be inserted near the scull that can allow pple who are deaf to hear) should be done...
ask yourselve.. if one day.. u have a child who is born deaf.. will you send her/him to have a cochlea implantation? and why?
inside the show.. there is a case when a little ger who was sent for cochlea implant when she was barely 1 year old.. now.. she is abt 5 years old.. and all along.. nobody told her that she's deaf... so she tot that she's jus any normal child.. who can hear perfectly well.. when asked whether she will play with a deaf child.. her reply was a 'no'... at this part.. i really felt quite sad for her... imagine one day.. when something went wrong with the device..and she'll lose her hearing.. i guess she will be more devastated than the situation when she did not have the implant.. its like.. you wun experience the sadness of losing something if you never had it..worst is tt.. she mention tt she will not mix with children who are deaf when she;s not aware that she's one of them too...it felt kind of sad that.. she herself dun really know things about herself...
wanted to write more abt how i feel.. but somehow.. TIME IS RUNNING OUT! hahha.. 1 hr to jap and i have yet to do the techcomm part that im supposed to do.. n tml is the meetin again... oh wellz.. someone jus msg me and say that hes may get to do assignment for mayday concert.. *faint* its not that he can smuggle me in to watch lo... so i dun see any pt in the msg.. seriously im abit confused abt this person manz.. i should have an open mind!anw good frens do exist between a guy and a ger.. like joel they all..i really dun wanna to like go into it..or think too much abt it..i dun wanna feel sad if everything comes out the wrong way(which is wat happens everytime)..further i think 1 year later we will still be only chatting online like wat we do now.. the same thing will go one for like 3 years... 5 years or forever..furthermore..there's no time to bother it oso!i shud stay focus! on my darling hybrid car report for tech com!
woo... think i sound very sad again.. im alright la.. don't worry pple.. im still this cheerful zhou fangfang.. i guess that we have a few sides in each and everyone of us(i dun really noe how ta describe).. yupx.. maybe while talking or interacting with you all i dun really show this emotional side of me(wellz.. cancer pple i guess are quite emotional).. u can't be expecting me to cry everytime when talkin to u all ma.. yupx!moreover i think im not a person who expresses myself well in conversations.. hope tt u all will treat me like how u all treat me before.. niao me as you all like.. play with me like last time k!
apart from this.. this year is kind of weird to me.. just the start of this year.. and i got to noe that two people who were once so real in front of me passed away.. one i shall not mention while the other one was my secondary school maths teacher, Miss Chan Bee Bee..
hmmz... though i was never close to her.. but it was her whom helped me in my maths.. from a F9 in sec 3 to an A1 in prelims.. she was really a very thoughtful and experience teacher, able to answer our queries and also..i can still remember that it was her who taught me differentiation.. a concept that was quite new to me tt time.. it was also her who makes me feel that i should not give up that early and that there's still hope if i keep trying..i really felt thankful for that.. hope that she'll be fine up there.. to think on the brighter side.. maybe this is the time when she can finally have a rest.. a long and good rest i hope...
since young.. i've been a plump-fat girl.. never been in the range of acceptable weight before..was never out of TAF club.. was forced to watch my diet(have to go to hospital for this checkup twice annually) during primary school times.. no milo..no noodles.. no fast food.. no carbohydrates.. no oily food..no soft drinks..no milk.. yet.. no signs of reducing weight.. the nurse reprimended me.. asking me whether i followed the instructions not to eat all these.. i did.. but there's really nothing i can do.. ate only fruits during sec 1 for recess and lunch.. yet there's no improvement.. all i got back was gastric problems which will haunt me forver..
during pe in pri sch.. while my teacher was asking everyone to run(because sports day is coming..) out of the 8 gers.. the first 4 will be chosen.. and so i came in 4th with another ger.. yet the pe teacher jus told me,"anyway you can't run fast right so i let her in ok".. i noe its because of the size but there's nothing i can do...
when we were young.. gers used to wear nice dresses.. one of those that has the material similar to a gown..i yearn to have one too.. but i'll never fit in.. many times which ive seen nice clothes and bottoms.. and many times after i ask the shop keeper.. it usually ended up with disappoinments.. until the point which.. i've already given up looking for them.. really sick of asking " do you have bigger sizes?"sometimes its not that im choosing clothes.. i think its the clothes that is choosing me..
im afraid of camps.. especially when its abt another person carrying you.. like the spider web.. how i hope that i can be the one up there.. even during later camps.. when it comes to these carryin person game.. i never get to take part because i never dare to volunteer.. i noe that no one will be able to carry me..
when i was in primary sch.. pple used to "push" me to anyone whom they wanna tease.. because to them they will never want to said as an item with a fat ger.. maybe you can say that during those times we were too immature but somehow.. isn't a child most real when he/she is young? its jus a fact..
the reason why im writing about all these(tho i intended not to tell anyone abt these forever..who says that plump pple are more bubbly? more happy? i guess it does not apply to all..) is because of what ster told me ydae..that she has done a 'survey' back in australia with some of her friends.. askin them how i look like.. and their reply was tt its ok and i dun look fat and for a gerfriend.. its the heart tt matters..
ger.. im really thankful about tt.. i know tt throughout the years you all have been telling me all sorts of things to make me realise that size does not matter.. and that what is more valuable is the character of that person..and to make me feel more confident of myself.. however regardless of how u all try..it seems not very useful for me..its like.. after so many years.. so many things..it really narrows down to my mindset.. my way of seeing things.. even if this whole world thinks tt it does not matter.. me.. myself will still think that it matters..
everytime when i came home.. with all those presents and everything i bought for my friends.. my mom will definitely ask me," why are you always making yourselve so tired ..wasting your time shopping for presents for pple while i dun see you bringin home anything on your birthday"
i hope that its not because im a materialistic girl.. but somehow i really wonder.. what do i get in the end? do pple appreciate what you are doing? or they just take it as "cos u are the one who's 'in-charge'? you'll know what to do.."
there are really times when you hope that people can "hear" what u really "say" and feel how you feel..take note of what u need...
maybe everyone sees value at different things.. different actions.. maybe im just too self centred... maybe im too tired.. or maybe.. im jus plain immature... maybe im also one of those who take too many things for granted.. maybe im also neglecting the effort that someone has put on me too...