woo.. here i m making another new entry.. wellz.. its a tiring day with an start of 830 lesson.. sian.. and most of the lectures i dun understand.. especially computing.. for that 1 hour.. my writing paper was blank until the end of the lecture.. dun really understand wat he's talking abt AT ALL... with the dim lightin at front and his super nice voice... my mind floated far far away.. its really the worst lect this sem... sighz...
btw.. ydae i mentioned abt the korean show rite.. its called my lovely samsom instead of the one i wrote ydae... i really think that the ger whom zhenxian like is very pretty.. like an angel lidat.. haha...
having a bad sore throat now.. must b clarice's chocolate.. haha.. wonder how will my presentation on fri be like.. hope tt i can overcome my stage fright..
and.. i really feel like swimming! and oso play vball.. i really need to take a break manz.. tho not working very hard these few days but im already drained out... feeling very laggy again.. worst.. getting fatter .. i think its because of the stress lo.. sian..
received xinhui's msg today... and seems like the situation is going to change abit.. seriously i think it brightens up my mood for the rest of the week(vball can really do wonders to my life).. at least its not a fixed situation.. we can change his decision... however.. saw the pt regarding the will to win... which makes me think abt wat happened at the last match again.. if i were determined to win.. will i ever care abt my leg and sub myself outside? perhaps its the barrier that is within me that i can't get over.. i dunno.. felt bad.. if i perservere... will things become better? perhaps the reason why our team did not win all along is because of me.. the one who is inside playing that lacks the will to win.. lacks the fire to kill every ball... but i do enjoy each and every moments that i win a pt.. its really undescribable.. when u jump.. after u have spiked or dropped a ball...u noe that pple had to work hard to save ur ball or they dun even get ur ball... and also.. after u have saved each ball.. u see how ur teamates set it up and kill the ball nicely...the type of satisfaction is really something which i can't get it from other places... i really hope that things can turn out better as it goes...
wellz.. third week of the sem.. felt tired and dun wish to continue further.. the feeling is back.. and now... i long for a holiday again...things just happen so quickly.. that.. u find no time to take a break.. or dare to take a break... lots of unread lectures and all of the modules i'm lost.. but no matter how.. i have to focus.. like wat lim say.. sun's ray can burn a paper only after passing thru a focus... that applies to us.. when we focus.. things will turn out good..
pple meet.. but not all will b given a chance to know each other better... perhaps tt is call fate i guess... or maybe i have missed my chances.. by not daring to talk or look... maybe i just have low self esteem... cos i really think tt there's simply nothing tt makes me unique(tho i told lots of pple tt everyone is unique) to catch the attention of somebody.. face ok but size is like so big lahz.. if i were a guy.. i will prefer a slimmer one if both look the same..haha.. watever..
sometimes i really believe in horoscope.. that cancerians like to hide in their shells because they are scared of getting hurt... hahaha.. so come n break my shell k.. then i wil find no place to hide to... haha..
btw.. recently im really hooked to this serial call i love samsom which is telecast on channel U every weekday 10 pm.. maybe tt accounts for all the unread lectures.. haha... but its really very addictin... and i think both of the guys are so shuai! hahha drools...also..i saw in the newspaper tt princess hour is coming! oh my.. will be hooked to tt oso lahz.. hehz...
for the past two weeks.. whenever i had some time for myself.. i realise that i've been thinkin abt vball.. no matter im on a bus..on a train.. ive been staring blankly to space thinking of the times we had..and the last match that we had...and most of the time.. im always near to the state of crying.. especially saturdays(unkowingly im counting the no. of sats since we last trained)..my sat used to b setting off for training at 1.. trained until 7..dinner with my kakis somewhere in toapayoh...it really helps me forget abt the work n worries i had for the past week...wellz its not the first time that we stop training.. however.. this time.. the feeling is different.. because i really don't know if our team will go on.. will my future saturdays be as weird as the past 2 sats? i don't know.. i can never imagine the word disband for our team..and i really thought that our team can play together until we get married..until we have children.. until we have our own careers(just see wat paya lebar csc pple are doing).. im still waiting for mel to come back and play as a team with us.. still waiting for janet to finish her o levels and join us.. still waiting for that one day.. that we manage to show pple how diff is our team.. i really wonder if that really or will happen.. i miss you girls.. and i miss u lim.. i know we've let you down many times and perhaps.. this time is the worst.. and i know talking to you wun change ur decision further...
getting numb with sch.. and its only the second week.. wellz.. sometimes i rather we go back to the camp daes.. lots of happy memories there n no rushing for lessons.. sighz.. or at least the tutorial class last sem.. when there's more fun n laughter.. dunno lah..sian
went for tt singing UE today.. and it was really fun! haha.. like music lessons lidat.. hahah.. its really teach u how to sing one lo.. really learn a few stuff there tho its onli the first day.. din regret taknig this up.. heez..
enjoyed myself today.. tho.. i din play that well.. hahaz.. think now.. nothin can replace vball in my life manz...
was tokin to tyy on the way hm after the match.. wellz.. time really pass very fast when sch starts and u will b so busy tt u forget alot of things.. haha.. forgot to think abt alot of worries.. haha.. which i like it..
wellz.. the start of a new sem.. electives im taking the singing one and jap.. haha.. quite lookin forward to them since i like both of them.. and jap.. its a good chance for me to fulfil watever tt i have never finish from sec two.. dun really like to stop things halfway.. so im very happy abt it.. cos im given this sec chance.. hahaz.. but core modules really sucks.. thermo2.. my thermo 1 was so bad last sem.. and thermo 2 is the same thing.. scary.. computing.. its like im a com idiot..dun even noe wat the guy is tokin abt thruout today's lect.. trying very hard tokin to myself tt it wasn't tt hard.. haha.. then biomolecular engineering 2 which is a combi of bio n organic chem.. and fluids.. im bad in physics..i just dunno why i chose this engineering path when my physics and chem are bad.... dun have a good feeling this sem.. but.. i do hope tt my electives pull me up since i like them...we shall see...
sometimes friends kept things from you because they are afraid that u will feel sad after knowing the outcome.. for two instances.. i onli got to know the situation after i asked you.. if not.. i guess i will never know until i ask u in the future.. maybe all of us have diff systems of managin stuff.. i just wanna tell all my frens.. if there's anything regarding me and especially its something bad.. pls inform me fast.. do not think too much abt how i feel.. cos i will have more time to plan what to do if certain stuff does not work.... just like the hall.. if i weren't going to ask you how was the reply for ur application at the other side.. u will never tell me.. and i will just be in my own world thinking that u will be my roomie.. until the day of the application i find myself with no roomie(at least if u told me earlier i will have more time to think of/or ask ard like who to stay with if i ever get a hall)..i dun mind not being roomie with u.. instead i will b happier cos u confirm get a room for urself(i noe travelling is tiring for u)..i can always have other plans.. but i mind the fact that why are u keepin it from me(not that i wan u to tel me all of ur stuff.. but at least those tt concerns me).. i don't know if u will see this entry.. but i really wish for transparancy in our frenship.. because if this goes on.. our frenship will be full of guessing..at least for my side.. cos i dunno when will u keeping things(regarding me) from me .. and i hate it..
once again.. im online now.. trying to drag watever tt im supposed to do .. sighz.. sch is goin to start in two and a half days time.. sian sian sian.. soon i'll be saying bye to my sweet sweet three mths hols.. k lahz.. actually dun really dread sch tt much.. can see my frens and have fun together.. hahaz.. in a way i wun b tt aimless at times.. but still.. felt tt i didn't rest enough.. i duno why..maybe human are always greedy.. we can never b satisfied..when u can rest.. u will wan to go out n work.. when u are working.. u will wanna play.. when u are playing.. u feel that u need more rest.. oh wellz.. and the cycle will repeat itself.. k.. i noe im getting no where.. 2 and 1/2 hrs more to the end of this job.. maybe shall go hm and watch princess hr.. tho after readin the summary of the last episode it sound quite lame to me.. dunno lah.. im getting nowhere again.. crapz..
ydae's match was great! haha.. tho the opponent wasn't strong.. but its a good start for me.. tho im aching all over now.. but im really very happy abt it.. i really miss competitive vball and all the savings and servins and cheerings.. ok.. tho my leg isn't well for jumpings and spikings.. but im still very happy.. and ydae i was so happy.. until.. i couldn't sleep until 2 .. haha.. i guess nothin can make me happier besides vball.. its really my life.. i miss it.. hope tt my ankle does not swell today.. ohz.. and i like our jersey! hahah.. its the type of material tt my j1 jersey was.. heez.. ydae lim was quite happy.. as in he can joke ard despite the naggins from him the day b4.. and best! haha.. my ma din scold me ydae.. oh my.. intended to blaff my way thru tt i was sitting on the bench but my wet jersey will give me away.. but.. she din sae anythin! oh my.. haha.. wats happening.. hahaha.. k.. nex thur will be the match against red team without ah lim.. hmmz.. hope tt we'll play in our best form.. oh... and ydae was a good victory with us beating them 3-0.. a good morale booster for the whole team i guess.. heez.. today shall b a good day!
ydae i was reminded that my passion still lies in vball.. i tot i lost it long ago..
im excited.. hahaz.. getting very high today.. cos.. it will be my first match today! wonder if i can serve over the net.. haha.. watever it is.. i really look forward to the match today..
having lunch now.. so had the time for new entry.. wellz.. nagged by ah lim abt my leg.. wellz.. he sound angry this time.. hope tml will b a good day.. or else he will nag alot more.. n my ma.. n my sis.. lots of problems..
watever it is.. went to watch click with sis ydae cos she got free tix.. wellz.. like wat i expected.. it was a comedy.. then while watching.. i really wonder how are they goin to end the show.. its like he can't b playin with his remote all the way and enjoy all the skipping of moments time.. u see.. there's nothing such as a free lunch rite.. in life i believe that there is a trade-off.. u gain some.. u lose some.. oh wellz.. then towards the middle the show.. there was this little surprise..
haha.. suddenly i realised that this show was actually trying to convey a message.. that.. we should treasure each n single moment we have when we are alive.. wellz.. its the process that is valuable.. not the outcome.. for example.. when we play in a tournament.. its the process tt u fight in the game that makes it memorable.. who cares abt the trophy.. u can get first when u never fight at all.. and u've got no feelings with tt trophy at all.. u can dun get a trophy.. but if u get superb teamates and u noe u've fight hard enough.. it makes the whole season memorable..
the same goes for the orientation camp.. of cos sometimes u dread preparing the programmes for the freshies.. but.. after the camp.. do u feel happier with just the celebration(imagine if u skip the process and u just fast forward to the moment of celebration) or the sweet memories u had during the camp.. haha.. i guess it should be the preparation.. the good and bad things u encounter tt makes this camp significant in ur life..
wellz.. and.. i cried in some of the scenes.. kuan was laffin at me online when i said tt i cried in click cos its supposed to b a comedy.. and tt i laff more in lake hse.. haha.. watever.. im weird ok.. haha.. so back to this scene.. when the main lead realised that his father was dead.. and he wasn't even there becos he managed to fast forward his life.. skipping the painful moments.. so.. he went to his father's grave.. wanted to go n see his father one more time.. and manged to go backward to the time when he saw his father the first time.. its like.. the father.. went to the workplace to find his child and he din even take a look at his father.. all he said was to ask his father to go cos he need ta concentrate on his work and everything.. then.. his father even apologised to him.. he din even take a look at his father then.. wellz.. cried badly here.. duno why.. maybe im guilty for treating my mom similarly.. sometimes words can b harsh.. u noe its bad but sometimes unknowingly.. u will just say it out.. in the end u feel bad urself.. wellz.. shall b more patient.. i must b.. cos to every parents no matter how old ur child is.. u will always b a child in their mind..
i also cried watching the last part.. wellz.. like how the main lead wanted to tell the son that family was more impt.. and.. honey moon was more impt.. think those who are reading this will understand more when they watch this movie..but the ending was.. hmmz.. no originality.. haha.. k.. shudn't expect too much rite? happy endings are good.. haha..
i was on the escalator on the way to dabaoing my lunch one day.. and i saw this grp of youngsters.. all of them had hps with them.. and suddenly i felt tt time is so scary.. technology makes it scarier.. serious..just compare the world four years from now.. just four years
most of the fones are camera fones while four years ago.. we had our 3310 black n white screen fones...hp were tot as mobile phones and now.. its an mp3 player..its a camera.. its an organiser..
dial up connections were quite acceptable tt time .. now.. broadband is like a need... and soon.. there's this type of broadband(?) where connections will go as fast as the speed of light..i do hate the idea of things goin too fast.. its like.. who will appreciate the process of searchin...
digi cams was like a 1 in 35 peeps thingy while now.. in 3 pple.. 2 had digi cams..pple have different perceptions of taking pictures..last time was like.. u must think first b4 u take.. and now.. wats the big deal.. u got photoshop at hm
discman is common and juke box a wow thingy.. n now.. most pple had mp3 players.. there are still mp4s...we used to b so satisfied by the 12 songs in ur cd.. but now.. even an mp3 player full of 100 songs is never enough..
sighz.. wat is happening to the world? too fast too scary.. i really wonder wat new stuff can come out in just another 5 years?
oh.. and read this article on paper regarding a guy who died while undergoin some surgery to slim down.. sadz.. its like all he wan is to slim down n live a healthy life.. n its so hard.. maybe pple will say he shudn't go surgery n slim down naturally.. but i understand how he feels.. sometimes no matter how u control ur diet.. how u eat less.. how u onli eat veges.. how u excercise.. u can never slim down.. and u get troubled by ur weight.. u noe health problems wil arise.. u noe when u play sports.. it is bad for ur joints..like wats happening to my ankle.. sometimes u just wan miracles to happen.. like one day u just go down to acceptable weight.. i was never out of TAF.. sadz..
time for another new entry.. hahaz.. cos my boss is like super stress.. i think today she got quite alot of things to do.. and i think i kept bothering her.. cos she has to think of things to let me do.. well wellz..
went to sis's convocation on last fri.. although i think that its a very tiring process.. haha.. cos u have to rent the gown.. have to dress up.. have to wait.. have to.. haha.. i dunno.. i think its a boring process.. its like.. u just wait for tt person u noe to come out.. then wow abit when this particular person has got several book awards and stuff.. i slept twice i guess.. but i think.. parents are the ones who are super happy abt it.. cos my sis is the first to graduate among all of us! k.. actually im very glad for her too.. cos her years of studying wasn't a smooth one.. and she manage to finish the degree in 4 years time.. happy for her.. seriously.. and now.. she can say bye to all the muggins and stuff! wow.. but actually i think i will dread it if i were her.. haha... cos no matter how i hated traveling.. wellz.. now is the time when u dun really have to worry abt lots of things(tho the invisible burden is already building up ).. n i guess.. the corperate world can b quite boring.. i dunno... watever it is.. still best wishes for my sis! hope she gets a great job and a bf sooN! heez...
then sun was this long chat with alvin.. k.. i must first sae.. i do not like him n neither does he.. and our frenship is kindof virtual.. in sch.. we dun talk much.. dun eat together..not even in the same class in the sec sem.. but.. when ever we go online.. we'll talk alot.. i duno why.. tho ive concluded its his family background that is shaping him to this virtual person.. haha.. wat a name to give him.. cos he is really an internet person.. no tv onli u tube.. no cd onli mp3.. no goin out onli shoppin at ebay.. hahaz.. i dunno.. its like during times in exams.. we'll help each other in work.. encourage one n another(haha..maybe im the one encouraging him tho my results are much worst than him).. im like the aunt agony.. whom he'll come n tell me how he feels.. i noe like hu he likes.. bla bla.. but everytime i think he still treats me as a child(ya i agree he is 3 years older than us.. but i think age does not affect how u think at times..dunno lah).. and until sun.. finally.. he has opened up.. wellz.. he mentioned tt he's scaerd that he is a weird person.. and keep on dwelling on it.. wellz.. at tt pt of time.. im really scared tt watever tt i sae to him will affect him.. wat if one day he really breaks down? im part of the fault for not helping him lo.. oh no.. then at tt pt of time.. i tot of how lim teaches me when i started vball.. cos i used to have this barrier that i cannot play well due to my size.. but wellz.. it was lim who manage to brainwash me tt.. YOU ARE WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE... if u think u are a good player.. n u play like a good player.. u will b a good player(tho i just a normal average player lah).. if u think u can jump.. u will also b able to jump.. haha.. so.. i manage to convince him abit abt it.. haha.. while.. in my mind.. i tot of the times in vball when lim talked to us.. haha.. he does make an impact on my life.. tho he loves to scold n scold n scold.. haha.. i think those who are reading this will b quite confused with wat ive typed above.. haha.. so was i talking abt alvin or lim? haha.. sorry for the confusion.. cos i oso dunno wat im typing... basically im an inorganised person.. just like my blog..
wellz.. sch will reopen nex week.. sighz.. dun look forward for it at all.. cos when it starts..it means no stopping for me..no rest and lots of travelling.. i really dread the travelling part.. sian..and i still haven gotten my PE yet.. sighz.. haf ta wait for add/drop.. n everything is so unsure manz.. wat shud i take? jap? or try a minor?abit lost here n there.. especially after alvin mentioned abt like.. how he feels so unsure abt the life after we graduate.. wellz.. tho i was like consoling him..askin him to b more optimissitic.. actually this was going thru my mind for like 3 days.. quite long huh.. cos.. i really dun see myself as an enginner.. i dun wanna end up like alot of graduates..doin some things tt they dun like.. sighz.. actually i had lots of dumb ideas.. i tot of being an event manager(joy told me its call event manager lah).. whereby i can organise things like wedding dinners.. haha.. like so fun.. to see lots of happy faces... k.. maybe my thinkin was too simple le.. i duno.. wellz.. lost.. watever..
so.. shall look back.. like wat i did during the hols.. it has been quite a colourful holiday for me i realise.. ive been thru the happiest moments and also the saddest moments within these three months.. first was shanghai.. i love the weather there.. love the nite scenary at shanghai.. love their buildings.. really enjoyed myself alot with all the good food.. n also bargaining at the street market there(now its closed..sad..i shud feel very lucky tt im able to go there b4 it closes)..also.. i think its becos the company of xx.. its a mixture of goin overseas with frens n family.. haha.. which is good.. haha.. and i think its the trip that allows me to really spend time with my mom.. since dunno when i never really go out with her already.. so its good lah.. running out of words to say..
then its the camp at unleash.. wellz.. its really something tt i've never experienced b4.. all the bashing and stuff.. yes.. ive been thru camps.. but in those camps we are like so protected.. not like this ..when we really set up out own fire n cook our own food.. how to create things out of nothing.. oh my.. and like reading of map.. how to really locate a place ourselves using a map and compass... really learnt quite abit.. tho.. in the end.. i ended quite sad.. cos its really something which i least expected.. but wellz.. i choose to rem just the happy ones.. thank them for giving me such an experience...
then my leg.. its like i din sprain it for such a long long time.. i tot i will never sprain again.. and so.. when i least expected it.. i sprain it again.. it was the worst one i rem.. cos i really black out after the sprain.. too painful i guess.. and of cos the after effect is the worst one.. canot go out for like a mth.. boring.. very boring.. and im really very scared of it.. so now.. the feeling of walking fast is really great.. sounds lame.. but i felt happy when i can walk fast now.. tho im really doubtful abt my jumpin n running.. goin for opens this thur without and training.. wonder lim will put me in.. wonder how will i play.. sighz.. hope it wun make me sad lahz.. ohz.. once again.. thanks to those who came n visit me during those times n keeping me company online.. without u all.. i can really die of boredom..
then orientation camp.. wellz..i tot i wun enjoy it so much.. haha.. but surprisingly.. had lots of fun.. no matter its our programme or other pple's programmes.. maybe its becos now i noe clarice they all better.. tt we can enjoy ourselves more.. i not very sure.. haha.. those days were memorable.. like how we spent the nite at innovation preparing all the things for them to play in treasure hunt.. then all of us camp at the student room.. hahaz.. i never tot tt i can sleep in those kind of place... then the nite b4 amazing race.. when the GLs showed their discontentment abt the waiting part.. we spent a few hours at hall 7 to come out with a new station.. like how we cheer each other up cos we were quite demoralised and worried whether our programme will b condemned by the pple.. wellz.. also at initiation nite.. tt we make the freshies blindfold themselves.. and squeeze the whole OG into tat cubicle.. then if they ans any qtn wrongly.. we'll splash flour n ketchup n milk n egg on them.. haha.. 25 kg of flour .. wo.. of cos.. we ourselves were so dirty lah.. from head to toe.. im covered with flour.. haha.. the others weren't good oso.. had lots of fun la... then at beach games... felt thankful cos i had a good long chat with anqi.. i dunno why.. just felt tt we can clique very well suddenly.. haha.. she's really a nice senior.. n a good chief programmer.. despite lots of politics tt makes her having a headache.. then fright nite.. ive never been at s4 tt study area at 2 in the nite alone b4.. i tot i will b quite scared.. haha.. but i din.. dunno why oso.. and finally.. the most touching part is when i was queueing up in the 7 eleven at palawan...the freshies offered to let me pay first(its like they really respect the seniors alot) ..felt very happy when they sae tt the programmes are nice and tt really enjoyed themselves alot.. this really makes me have the urge to b a programmer again nex year.. hahaz.. shall see how..
then its world cup.. i tink tis year is the onli year which we can really watch world cup in peace cos the nex season will b when we are working.. haha.. the finals was quite memorable.. when ah neo tyy mich came over to my hse to watch.. we were so excited lah.. and how we were so shocked when zidane head butt tt italian guy.. then nex day we even went to mug newpaper lah.. hhaa.. it was really interesting.. tho.. i was super disappointed with brazil this year.. sighz..
lastly.. it will b my bdae this year! haha.. i tot i will b spending it alone like last year.. haha.. had 2 bbqs in a row.. first with joy they all then with 66.. thanks for the moments.. heez..
and so.. after doin these stuff.. now back to sch again.. i hope i can stay hall.. then i will look forward for sch.. haha.. if no hall.. i doubt i can lah.. but wellz.. new class.. new pple.. get to noe more new frens.. haha.. can see my new crush oso.. tho i think will change very fast again.. oh wellz..